the loved

ramblings of a teenage girl

i feel crap right now. don't ask why. maybe i hoped for too much. i thought it's coming to stay. however, it just came to visit and then it was gone. i hate this feeling. i don't want to feel it. can you please help me call it back? i want it badly, i would do anything to have it. i feel like crying but there's no one to turn to. you without it are never the same. i feel so desperate right now. but i have to let go. tears are falling as i type and it's all your fault.


i'm so stressed out but i can't relieve it. i told myself not to eat ice cream until (insert date for ice cream date). although there're like all kinds of icecream in my freezer, i didn't care cause you're not here to share it with me. please say you haven't forgotten. i've waited since forever. i know i sound desperate but i don't care.


can everyday be that sunday night? even if it's just for a while. it made my night. it shoved all my problems away, leaving only one: you.



my Beng Boyfriend just dumped me just now. he told me that our lifestyles are way different and his is like so luxurious and so called the rich and the famous and that we weren't meant to be.
and so he said, "i dump you now ok i dump you now". and i pushed him aside.
then he tried to talk to me and i ignored. then suddenly i remembered and said, "eh before you dump me, give me back my money first. we break up the hard way".
and so he gave me $5. he still owes me $0.80. haha. i still ignored him until we parted ways.
he tripped on the stairs and i laughed out loud like nobody's business. then we started our "what? not happy ah?" thing. then we walked away.
when i was alone, my phone rang and it was him. "what?" was my hello.
"eh don't like that la. i only break up with you only. i still love you." was the reply.
L: dowan la. you break up with me for (insert name).
W: where got? no la. i never go for other girls. i still love you. i just want to be single. maybe tomorrow we can rekindle back. don't like that leyy. i still love you la.
what more could i do but to laugh and laugh until we hang up. i love you la BB.



she told me someone said this:
...i really don't think he still likes her. he doesn't look like he does...
and i was like, "huh? you're not close to him and you're so confident to say that?"
no, i'm not angry, just wondering how she came to that conclusion.
maybe there is indeed truth in what she said. cause i'm not really sure. nothing's been confirmed yet as of now. but even if you're confident with your stand and even if it's correct, don't think you can win him. and i'm not the one who thought about this. guess who(:
you cheated A's feelings. you dated S once, now you're into his mate, H.
next target: my ex-boyfriend? oh no way. for all i know, he won't be interested in you.
so stop being so confident, girl. i'm not the only one against you. so watch your back.

excuse me, Mr, can you please explain the situation to me cause i'm not getting where we're going. those unexpected moments which i thought were positive signs, are they? i tried to throw you away but you returned. what else can i do but to stretch and reach out to you.



school officially started just now. i was in 179 and i can't believe that i was going to school already.
but today was not that bad. i was fasting.
GPO was understandable.
GANP was a breeze. reproductive system made me high(: i passed CT! 27/50
still wondering: which part of female external genitilia is circumcised?
OANP was ohmygosh doesn't enter at all.
MATHS was okay as usual. got back my calculator!


had dikir training. abg im came with my newly wed wife. believe or not, they just got hitched on the night of Adiratna Turned 5!. we learned new songs which were super high and i almost couldn't reached it. did ragam (steps) too. yeahbaby. need to practise my claps big time major.
154-ed home with nigel, hanis, aifa & azan. reached home 2300.



Adiratna Turned 5! was a blast. although people were late but we had fun.
and that's all that matters right? yeah man.
we played BangBangChuckieChuckie, Numbers, Taboo!
food was unlimited, we had to bring back what we brought. oh nevermind.
wanted to lepak with shareena but something happened and i didn't want to leave her alone.
shall not talk about it. sorry, shareena. i'll make up for it. one apek icecream for you. and you too, hanis, don't worry. and aifa, too.
but i shall not eat icecream until i get a date with my icecream partner *winks*
so pleeeeeeeeease don't forget, i'm counting on you.
and so aifa, hanis and I 105-ed to jurongeast. and aifa and I 99-ed home.
well, i didn't go home. i met b to pass some brownies. sorry kalau masin. :D
we walked a long way (not that long la) and talked abit. then said goodbye to each other.
unexpected things happen for a reason. what's yours? whatever it is, i'm so loving it.
i smiled widely to myself while crossing the road. i love you b(:



to my dearest Abg Azim,

please get well soonish. it feels weird seeing you lying down on the bed helplessly. we're just so used to you laughing your head off and lungs out at every little thing we just find amusing. even if it's the slightest thing. so please eat properly. don't just swallow, chew alot of times. i'm still wondering what caused you to be sick. your intestines were twisted for goodness' sake. what did you do, man? just don't work so hard and rest more, aite(: and spend more time with us after you get well. don't forget our outings and work instead. meet up soon asap after you get discharged. haha tak sabar sey. i love you brother. :D
iifaa♥




futsal was okay. we didn't win, but that's okay. there's always next year.
we didn't concede any goal in the first round.
vs Almukminin 1-0. vs Al-Istiqamah 0-0. vs Tentera Diraja 3-0.
we entered quarters and had to meet TD again. they were so eager to trash us.
we conceded one goal and we lost 1-0. mostly my fault, at least i think so.
but then TD lost semis to Al-Falah. haha. Al-Falah's representatives looked professional.
women's team: clubs, schools, nationals. but whatever.

we stayed to cheer for the boys. u-17 lost first round. u-21 lost semis. so they playing for 3rd/4th placing on 25 July, i think. GO ASSYAKIRIN!

CUTE GUYS ALERT
1. no.15 maman look alike (very unexpected cute voice)
2. no.7 tall, dark & handsome.
3. Watermelon's u-17 goalie (fell in love with his teeth)
4. and many more.

but not forgetting, AHMAD! woohoo! (not that cute but perasan cute)

ustaz treated us chicken rice. i fed syamil and atin, and we went brownies shopping at JP.


when we alighted at BL, i heard dikir songs and i got excited that i walked quickly to JP entrance. i heard a familiar song and a familiar voice, and i almost ran. ANAK SENI! loving them since MCC FOC. i stopped and watched but i saw atin standing at the corner uninterested so i didn't take long(: kopi dangdut moments still fresh in me. let's dangdut! sape2 nak kawin, please panggil Anak Seni jadi hadrah. favour ah. HAHA!

Lenggang lenggok rentaknya tari
Joget Kelantan nama diberi
Pusing kanan dan pusing kiri
Samalah sama kita menari

yok dikir! :D


let me recap my week.
Tuesday, 23 June 2009: OPT chalet.
not much to talk about.
Wednesday: futsal training with atin, afidah & afiqah.
coached by Mai. i ate at JP wearing shorts with a ball in my hands before showering.
Thursday: futsal training at night at boonlay with the rest.
for the first time, met Ama & Lina. coached by Haini.
Friday: date with scandaliciousbaby to NUH. visited abg azim. more about it later(:
futsal training at night. coached by fahmek :D
Saturday: MySpex Futsal Tournament. baked brownies at night with aifa. finished by 2340(:
Sunday: Adiratna Turned 5! event at SBG. funfunfun! :D
Today: SCHOOL! lol.




b, thanks for the call on friday. theoretically, it's saturday, since it was 4 in the morning. haha. it felt good to hear my phone ring. :D believe it or not, my wish actually came true. Alhamdulillah(: i smiled myself to sleep(:



i'm sorry for not updating. it's not that i didn't want to.
but everytime i opened blogger page, i will forget what to blog about.
haha. oh nevermind about that. let's get on with life.

since atin and i are joining MySpex futsal tournament, we decided to train.
our trainer was none other than my brother, syamil!
haha. he brought suhaimi and ahmad to join us. haikal didn't wake up.
i asked zul to join us. mak datuk pehlah susah nak kejot die.
and we played at skatepark. and yes, we had fun.
but i just can't seem to listen to tips. hence, i suck. haha.
zul came after one hour. die sarapan pehlah lame. haha.
he came so smartly dressed to go to school. actually not that smart la.
but the polo shirt buttoned-up look oh so hot on him. haha.
no, i am not drooling over my best friend. i just wonder why he doesn't have a girlfriend yet.
padehal handsome siak. haha. jangan kembang eh zul, kalau kau bace ni.
zul played for one match with us. which lasted for around 15 minutes.
me, atin, zul, man vs mil, mi, mad. handicapped.
i think we won. haha.
while we were playing, there was this voice coming from a window.
"oi! empat lawan empat ah!" (oi! four vs four ah!)
and i was like, "eh tkya sua!" (eh no need la sia!)
but they still came down and we still played.
2 halfs, 5 goals=win. the boys except zul played 1st half. i played 2nd half with man, mi, mil.
we won both halfs. they were frustrated kids. haha. you should watch the match. HAHA!
then we went off. atin showered at my house before going to school.
zul went home to freshen up but decided not to go to school.

i went to school alone for dikir. on my way there, in 154, i saw this girl.
she caught my attention by wearing a dblO landyard.
in case y'all don't know, dblO is a bar/club/restaurant.
there's nothing wrong in that but it's just that when i saw her, i was reminded by the comment i read on a quiz someone did on fb about clubs.
her result was dblO, and the description was omg. haha. where minah kening tipis go.
i went there before. for the MTV shooting. the place looked rundown, defunct.

Adiratna training is getting better by the week. i so love going to trainings.
although we did the same things as last week, at least we improved ourselves.
but the only thing i haven't improved on is my clapping.
everyone else is getting it already and i'm the only one who's left out!
154-ed home with aifa, azan & hanis.
had alot of laughs. :D can't wait for next training!





guess what? i'm typing my 111th post. haha.
i got ready the news to blog about, but suddenly the mood's gone.
i don't know why. but i'm feeling damn down right now.
i managed to scrape that feeling for the past few days.
it returned just now. while i was on my way home from training.
this feeling sucks. especially when you don't know who to share it with.

why oh why oh why
Do you have to make me feel this way
(when you and I equals night and day)
why oh why oh why
won't you tell me that you feel the same
(if i said, i'd take the blame)
why oh why oh why
Tell me baby what you want from me
Need I set you free?
Coz I wanna be close to you

suddenly, this song pops in my mind.
yes, that is a song.
Close 2 You - Taufik Batisah - Blessings
i'm not sure if there's any link between that song and my feelings.
seriously. haha. MY CRAMPS ARE HURTING ME!~
how i wish right now my phone would ring and your face will pop up on my screen.
doesn't matter whether it's a call or text. both are appreciated.
whatever. i need to clear those thoughts off my mind. serious shits.

i'm going chalet tomorrow to meet my classmates.
especially Kay Wei Hoe, my AhBeng thickskin boyfriend. LOL.
shall update about that when i return.
i'm not thoning btw. futsal training on wednesday morning.

updates due:
futsal training with atin and the boys feat zul.
girl with dblO lanyard.
Adiratna training.

i shall cry myself to sleep cause i miss you oh so damn bad.



main objective of the day was to get started with GPO project.
i really couldn't wake up. i woke and slept back a few times.
then i got up and went into my parents' room.
called mummy to tell her i'm going out. had my towel with me, ready to bathe.
but after i hung up, i lied down and slept. the cycle repeats.
i just hate to sleep nowadays cause i just can't wake up, even though i have to.
putting that aside, went alex's house around 2. completed 75%.
minus editing, summarising & pictures.
alex taught me how to play Left4Dead. hell it was scary.
i just have this thing against people charging at me. haha.
in this case, the zombies were really fast. and i was horrified looking at their faces.
the first time they charged at me, i was so terrified i let go of the mouse and hug a pillow.
haha. i know it's stupid. but i can't help it. reflex reaction. :D
then he forced me to play alongside him(multiplayer) saying: don't worry i protect you.
haha. and i was convinced. but we didn't finish cause i had to go meet atin and.. zul!
haha. atin was craving for seoul garden so bad that she paid half for me. haha.
i didn't expect zul to come. he called me and said atin asked him and he's coming.
kal was an ass. "okeh. bye bye" cb. haha.
and so we ate like fat swines. lol. zul was so full of nonsense, as usual.
Z: eh korang nak amek ape lagy? (eh what else you wanna take?)
L: kau nak makan, kau gi amek la. (you go take what you want la.)
A: eh kau jangan macam2 eh. aku tau kau tunggu kitorang masakkan kau kan. haha. (eh you don't nonsense ah. i know you want us to cook for you. haha.)
Z: alamak. yela. (alamak. ok la.) he got up and walked to the buffet area.
we talked about almost everything.
can't keep secrets, never see atin in sch, always see me in sch, the new smoker, etc.
best part: they always get confused about who i'm talking about. haha.
cause those i know are indirectly related to them and they are so blur. esp zul.
finally, we made our way out. jokes on the train were to laugh for.
what kind of pigs fly without wings? Swine, cause got Swine Flu(flew)
how to make Lady Gaga cry? Poker Face (poke her face)
and lots more. that's zul for you. as irritating as he is, he never fails to make you laugh.
and zul, i no longer think about problems thanks to you(:
and don't be sad la. i know you're strong. haha. padehal mata dah berair sey.
atin, it's your fault. & i can't keep secrets, i know. is this a secret? haha.
i miss The Sleng Clan. but it's all different now. now, it's left with the three of us.
if the fourth member reads this, he should make an initiative to hang out with us since he's the only one not in NP(:
but i don't think he will even bother. so whatever, major loser. HAHA!
so that's all for now. see you later!


i'm feeling very down right now.
i want to sleep but i can't.
i feel like texting someone but i stopped myself.
i just don't know why.
here i am. trying to let my feelings out.
while waiting for Meet The Fockers to load.
i'm bored. i need you. but you don't even care.
i don't even know you anymore.
what happened to whatever you said in the past?
and i'm not talking about the promises you made.
i've forgotten about those already.
i can't believe you did that just because you wanted to try.
you told me you wouldn't. i told you what i'ld do if you did it.
but i guess i'm out of the way.
i know that you're legal and all. but what about health?
you told me you got asthma due to a similar situation.
i know it's not so serious as i sound but don't you realise the harm in it?
well, i do. and i've always told you that. whatever, i just don't care anymore.
i really don't know. if you think what you're doing makes you cool.
welcomes you into the IN club or impresses girls, you're so wrong.
it doesn't impress me at all. oh i forgot, you're not out to impress me.
oh what a waste. get out of my mind, smoker.




hello i'm back! to all who missed me, i miss you too!
haha. ok i'm having my first holidays since school started now.
i'm more than ready for it. ever since before common test ended.
but i suddenly remembered my presentations due in two weeks' time.
THREE presentations to be exact. so much for no projects. haha.
well, life just has to go on, right. and i'm enjoying every minute, rotting at home.
YAY! i turned down alot of invitations to go out not cause i can't.
but simply because i'm lazy and stingy. sayanglah nak spend duit. HAHA.

common test neither a breeze nor a storm. it was neutral.
i just found out that CBIO has a very high passing rate of 95%.
and i really hope i'm one of the 95%. pleaseplease.
i might have to retake OANP & GANP.
in case you are wondering, those two are bio modules.
Ocular & General Anatomy & Physiology.
oh whatever. just leave it to fate. it's done. (:

anws, before CBIO after OANP paper, i went to Singapore Botanic Gardens.
with mummy, brothers, wak lah, nurul, fir & faiz.
main reason: hilman's botanist card.
my reason: revise CBIO.
heck i didn't. we walked and walked. from cactus to bonsai to sundial to ginger.
near the orchid garden, we sat and i did some reading finally.
and off we walk out since it was six already and it's getting dark.
we made our way to orchard! walked to fareast for dinner.
roamed around. bought belts! 3 for $5. cheapskate i know. but who cares.
then 7-ed to clementi. daddy fetched us. (:
we're so pampered ever since our Cerato arrived.
but i kinda miss bus & train rides with my cousins. esp after jemputans.

Audience Crap

i think they call it freedom of speech

darLINKS

they were there

the past

watch me waste my life away

credits